Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Insolvency......The Ice Breaker

Insolvency, the inability to pay one's debts, is the new black. We never used to talk about these things, especially with our aging parents, but things seem to have changed. Mass fear, confusion,we are all in this together. I found myself on the phone with my eighty-four-year-old Dad, talking about money.

"Are you guys ok?"
"Your Mother are I are going to be fine."
Sage elder has seen this before.
"Is this like last time?" I ask.
"You mean the Depression? Hard to say. I was only nine, but I had a friend, his dad jumped out the window."
"Wow, no one is jumping yet, maybe things aren't as bad."
"We'll see, kiddo. For now, we're not sure where to put our money."
The proverbial mattress doesn't seem like a bad bet these days.
I also heard gold, but we hear lots of things.
The good news (Pollyanna complex?) through this whole mess is that look who's talking, about money. And look again, I just got a funny email from Dad. About money.

The New Stock Market Terms

CEO Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET A random market movement causing an investor to
mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no
allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO The percentage of investors wetting their
pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST The Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW The movement your money makes as it
disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker
for $240 per share.

WINDOWS What you jump out of when you're the sucker who
bought Yahoo
@ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR Past year investor who's now locked up in a

PROFIT An archaic word no longer in use.


Amber said...

Sooooooo sad. But sooooooo true!

Drea said...

There's gotta be a way to skip the insolvency cycle. Eg., move to a different country every time it hits your own. Nomadic lifestyle meets crisis avoidance. Of course, that would be difficult, which is why we have parents :). I love the email forward, too.