Mind Your Manners

So we always taught our kids to be kind, patient, considerate of others. But not everyone does that.
And this great NYTimes piece by pediatrician, Perri Klass, M.D. sorts it out in a great way.
As a doctor, Klass views social skills right up there with the three R's. Reading, (w)riting, rethmetic.
Rude is not good.
Parents, your job is to help prepare a being for their future. In social skills along with everything else. Or they can't function in society.
The good doctor says:

"One of the long-term consequences of being a rude child is being a rude adult — even a rude doctor. There are bullies on the playground and bullies in the workplace; it can be quite disconcerting to encounter a mature adult with 20 or so years of education under his belt who still sees the world only in terms of his own wants, needs and emotions: I want that so give it to me; I am angry so I need to hit; I am wounded so I must howl."

Not OK.
It really seems to be a disservice to allow bad behavior.
Who to guide us?
As a model, the Miss Manners serves.

"I like Miss Manners’ approach because it lets a parent respect a child’s intellectual and emotional privacy: I’m not telling you to like your teacher; I’m telling you to treat her with courtesy. I’m not telling you that you can’t hate Tommy; I’m telling you that you can’t hit Tommy. Your feelings are your own private business; your behavior is public."

Not always easy. The little people have a way with getting their way. But that's how we, as a community work. With each other. Manners.

"But that first big counterintuitive lesson — that there are other people out there whose feelings must be considered — affects a child’s most basic moral development. For a child, as for an adult, manners represent a strategy for getting along in life, but also a successful intellectual engagement with the business of being human."
Good business that human stuff.

What To Give, part 2

There have been so many stories in the media, how to give, how to save.
And many find themselves in a novel setting. Not Dickens. But not like before. We all are revisiting what our values are.
How does that relate to gifting?
I think that anyone who has found their way to this blog is already smart, sensitive.
I feel like I preach to the choir, can I hear a shout?!
But let's just review the basics.
Holidays....warmth, happy.
Media......buy!
I just posted on my Madcap Logic blog priorities for holiday gifting. Really basic stuff but a gentle reminder.....what/who do we care about?
Colorful plastic items that dominate under-tree real estate or.......real deal stuff?
Just think about extending your own values to your family. It matters.
Don't get sucked into media frenzy. Turn off your TV.
Ideas for gifting abound.
Check out New American Dream...they have it right.
Treehugger, go green, keep green.
You get the idea. Go forth and multiply.
Again, any other ideas, post in comments.
It matters. Big time!

Art Smart

One thing we should not ignore, as the election draws near, is where the candidates rank the arts. Recognizing the importance of art in education is becoming increasingly important. Research tells us that children exposed early, and often to the arts fare better in tests, careers and life. But as our nation's economy reels, will we see funds for art programs shelved?
Good thing Americans for the Arts Action Fund, a bipartisan arts advocacy group, is asking. In their ArtsVote report, they found that while Republican Sen. John McCain issued a brief statement, vaguely saying "arts education can play a role in nurturing the creativity of expression" the Obama statement was long and strong.
In addition to a history of voting for the arts throughout his political career, he stated, "To remain competitive in the global economy, America needs to reinvigorate the kind of creativity and innovation that has made this country great. To do so, we must nourish our children’s creative skills. In addition to giving our children the science and math skills they need to compete in the new global context, we should also encourage the ability to think creatively that comes from a meaningful arts education."
He gets it. A meaningful arts education.
Neuroscientists get it. Training in the arts improves cognition.
Teachers get it. Students who participate in the arts have higher test scores and lower drop-out rates.
Corporate leaders get it. Terry Semel, past chairman of Warner Bros., said, "Art is central to a civilized society. Kids who create don't destroy."
Thinker/writer, Daniel Pink notes that we are at the end of a binary-only thinking era. Students who can think imaginatively, creatively, or "outside the box" will become the most attractive workers for global corporations. Arts education prepares young minds for non-linear thinking.
As the oft-quoted Elizabeth Murfee writes in her 1995, Making a Case for Culture, "Drawing helps writing. Song and poetry make facts memorable. Drama makes history more vivid and real. Creative movement makes processes understandable."
Socially, arts have proven to be an effective outreach tool to engage youth. Self esteem, cooperation, resilience improves when students have been exposed to the arts.
And lastly, what of the joy and wonder the arts offer the mind and spirit? Arts play a key role in the education of a child.

Coping With Financial Stress.......Stay Calm

Scary week, no? Financial swings the likes of which we haven't seen since.....horse and buggy days? Everyone around me is uncertain, confused, anxious. And what of the children? Certainly they are picking up on our stresses of paying bills, filling fridges, if not through direct conversation, or listening in on our end of phone calls, then certainly from the tone in our voices. Shopping for school supplies was never fun but now it is painful.
"Who needs all those crayons?!"
"What's wrong with last year's backpack?"
"Ten dollars for the Disney Princess six-piece stationary set?"
I am neither an economist nor a psychic, I don't know what will happen. But I am a Mom. I feel it is our job, as responsible beings to set a tone for the family. We are all feeling fear these days, but we should try to keep our financial anxiety in check. Lets just try to maintain a sense of calm and grace during this crazy time.
Breathe, Stay Active
Fear can effect our body with a "fight or flight" response, flooding us with adrenaline. Get up, move, run, walk, kick a ball, punch a punching bag, work it off. If you sit still, you will feel panic. And breathe. Again. long, slow, throughout the day. Let the shoulders go.
Couples Coping
Money is a huge stress-out subject in relationships, even in the best of times. Try to set some ground rules during these crazy days. Don't talk about money before bed. Or in bed. Support each other, acknowledge the fear. Focus on what you do have. Lovely children. Friends and family. A functioning body. Each other.
The Kids
Don't lie to your children, they always seem to know anyway. But don't overwhelm them either. A child can't comprehend the FDIC, bank consolidation or jumbo loans. I can barely. Simply sit them down and talk about how the money world is really complicated right now, and scary (certainly they have heard stuff from friends) but reassure them that you will all be OK.
And you will. Turn off the TV. Eat simple, homemade meals together, at home. Talk about other things. Certainly the financial world isn't the only thing going on right now. Just, possibly, the scariest.

Time To Reset Family Sleep Schedule

I know, it has been fun. Summertime and the schedules get easy. Without the morning school bell to wake up for, our bedtimes have become somewhat relaxed. Our wake times too. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but it's now time to start back onto a sensible bedtime plan. And don't shoot the messenger, the National Sleep Foundation urges parents to start resetting our children's sleep clocks a few weeks before school starts. Like around now.

“Although it's tempting to sleep as late as possible during the remaining days of summer, it's not necessarily the best strategy for starting the school year off right,” says Richard L. Gelula, NSF’s chief executive officer. “In fact, a lack of sleep seriously affects academic performance, mood and a teenager’s ability to drive safely."

Here are several tips to adjust gradually to the fall schedule:

• Start pushing bedtime/wake time 15 minutes earlier each day. Start a few weeks before school starts.
  
• Enjoy the last days of summer in the mornings, with activities outdoors in the sun. Don't emphasize TV as a summer perk.
• Be consistent, even on weekends. This will ease the transition to morning alertness.
• Push dinnertime to an earlier hour. Avoid caffeine/ sugars close to bedtime.
  
• Remember, an ideal sleep environment: cool, dark, quiet, comfy.
• No electronics bleeping, buzzing, whirring.
• Set a good example as a parent.
  

Believe it or not, children and teens actually need more sleep than adults. Let's help them form good bedtime habits.

Other resources:
Sleep For Kids
National Sleep Foundation

That Explains The Sleeping Teen Syndrome

Yet another aha!

According to recently published research by the American Medical Association, studies show that kids' activity level drops after age nine. Seriously drops from, on average three hours a day to about a half hour (on weekends).

According to the NYTimes, "The findings, which measured everything from moderate walking to vigorous athletic pursuits, show clearly that even the most energetic young children experience a precipitous drop in physical activity as they reach puberty."

I guess they just can't help it.